Home, yet?

I’ve been in Portland for a week and this is what’s on my mind. It’s effing difficult to move to a new city. I have moments of despair and moments of elation. I have freaked out a couple times simply from all the stress (sorry Brandon). That said, if you’re going to move to move to a new city without a job (but at least with a small network of friends!), and feel kind of bipolar in the process, Portland is perfect. It’s kind of like Hawaii in that it rains on and off most of the time, but in between rains, the sun makes everything warm and bright. The city itself is beautiful—mountains, tall trees and green everywhere. It smells like a forest pretty much all over the place. Even driving the interstates through downtown is breathtaking, cruising over ultra-high bridges that cross the Willamette River with panoramic views on all sides. And that’s without even getting into the many cute neighborhoods, the thriving art scene, the amazing local food/beer/wine that is available everywhere.

My nights have been pretty boring/lonely, because I don’t know too many people here yet. Cute Portland guys are around, but I’ll get to that in time. I’ve been plowing through episodes of Californication, which I will admit is on the cusp of soft-core porn, sure, but it’s a quality show. I know it’s good because it makes me think about some larger issues that surround my own life. The main character is a writer and in one episode, he talks about the evolution of language, and his reluctance to accept certain aspects of of what that entails. Using internet-speak, saying “lol” or “omg” or “brb,” is this actually the evolution of language, or is it a temporary cultural modification that will fade out as quickly as it came? This is something to think about as a writer, or as any person, really. Succumb to the influx of contemporary speech patterns, or stick with what I’ve been using my whole life? Whatever, I don’t really have to Decide. Yet, it is important to be aware of these shifts, to consider them and their uses within writing, what they add or take away from language on the page and how it will affect readers.

shelves and cinderblocks are the best.

Luna is happy that I’ve unpacked my life here. She started to relax once I sorted through the boxes, fashioned a homemade bookshelf, and hung up all my clothes in the closet. If only it was that simple for me. I need a job, friends, a life. I know it will come in time, and that struggling builds character. Of course those things are true. But in the process of the struggling, sometimes I just want to curl in a ball and watch twelve episodes of Californication in a row, with a bottle or two of wine, and wallow in a drunken pile of myself with Luna on my bed. Good thing that instead of doing that all day, I swallow it, take Luna to these abundant, gorgeous parks, nail an interview for a server position at a fancy restaurant (called back to meet with the chef tomorrow, just ten minutes after the interview was over!), and make use of the amenities at my West Hills apartment complex—gym, sauna, hot tub. It’s a wonder I’m able to do it sometimes, because it can be so difficult, and my motivation dwindles when I’m having a particularly bad moment/day. I guess I owe it to everyone and everything in my life that has molded me into a person who is too self-aware to think those lows won’t pass, who knows how to make them pass more quickly or easily (thank you to my most wonderful dog, and hiking, and bouts of evening drinking, and the few friends I do have here, and reading a waterproof book in the hot tub, and endorphins for kicking in after a gym session, and my family for listening to me complain, and my long-distance best friend who usually knows better than to take anything I say seriously when I’m in one of my worst moods).

Alas, the wonders and woes of relocating. I’ll get back to you when I have a job.

"Back home to the escapes of Time and Memory"

I’ve never read the book from which I take this quote, Thomas Wolfe’s You Can’t Go Home Again.  I only know the saying, “you can’t go home again.”

one of my favorite homes, the BsAs terrace.

Buenos Aires was never my home, or so I thought. It wasn’t any less of a home than anywhere else that I wasn’t home. My current location, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, feels like it should be more home than Buenos Aires, because I grew up here, my family lives here. I know how to get around the city without thinking about it, I know that spring is never as early as anyone wants it to be, I even know which stoplights are timed and which aren’t.  But having built something of a life in Buenos Aires, even though I knew it was temporary, Milwaukee isn’t giving me the warm, cozy home-feeling that a home typically would. I’m sure some of that has to do with the REALLY temporary-ness of my stay here (6 weeks), and going from spending all of my waking and nonwaking hours with Brandon to spending the majority of my time by myself. And the relentless cold.

Luna and I are ready to move to Portland. We’re leaving next week! I’m excited for the potential of home for me there. I have lots of friends living around Portland, all of whom I can’t wait to see. I know that I’m drawn to adventure and relocation, and that will probably never change. A stable landing spot though, it’ll be nice to have one of those. 

And what is it about Milwaukee that can't feel like home to me? I don't know.

If you’re traveling with your dog to the United States from Argentina

Traveling with a dog is hard. It’s exponentially harder if you’re traveling internationally. It can be done, though, even if your knowledge of the language of the country you’re currently about to leave isn’t your first language, or even a language of which you have any kind of intellectual authority. Take me, for example. I’m from the US, and five months ago I brought my dog, Luna, to Buenos Aires, to live with me. At the time, I didn’t know how long I would be here, so leaving her with my parents wasn’t an option. Had I known that it would be just five months, maybe I would have parted with her for that (relatively) short time, despite how much I’d have missed her. Then again, I didn’t have a grasp of the combined stress between Luna and myself that would come from the air travel. That alone will be enough to keep me from EVER DOING IT AGAIN.

I’m not going to go into details about my trip down. Lots of formal USDA paperwork, yadda yadda. It’s not too much different to return. The US doesn’t quarantine dogs, in general. If you do all the paperwork, it should go smoothly.

The main reason I’m writing about this is to warn people against what I would consider a scam, disguised as an expert pet relocation company called PetsVentura, or at least the Buenos Aires branch. They advertise lots of services to help a person to relocate with their pet, international relocation included. After emailing PetsVentura with questions about the specifics regarding my needs, as well as costs, I was ready to go ahead and use them, even if they were never quite as clear as I would have liked. I thought maybe that was because English isn’t the first language of their employees, whatever.  

FYI: the necessary documents/actions for bringing a dog into the US from Argentina are:

•  Clean bill of health from a certified veterinarian, written on an Official Certificate (national) within 10 days of travel.
• Proof of Rabies Vaccination within the last year.
• Statement signed by veterinarian that your dog has been checked and is free of Screwworm (Myasis, in Spanish) within 5 days of travel.
• Bring a copy of all of those things, along with a copy of your passport to SENASA (equivalent of USDA), pay AR$20 and they will have an official travel copy ready for you to pick up in 2 days. If you need it the same day, it is AR $90.

 PetsVentura told me the following information after I looked over their site and asked them how much a vet house call plus all the necessities to bring Luna back to the states would be (given that I already had a Rabies Vacc. and Certificate):

 Regarding the examination of your dog for worms,our veterinarian can make a visit to you address in Buenos Aires next week. Are you going to arrange all the travel documentations from Argentina on your own? Or do you need PetsVentura assistance? To issue a document by our veterinarian that you dog is free from worms a sample of fecal will be needed to be ready at the time of the visit. After examination by the laboratory a certificate of free of worm can be issued and post back to you or hand delivered. The cost of home visit, laboratory exam, issue medical certificate and postage back is AR$232.00

 I was ready to go ahead with them at this point. That's pretty cheap for all that convenience (only about US $45. Then, after I copied and pasted the relevant US requirements from the USDA website, just to be sure, they came up with another answer for me:

For your information the following documents are MUST enable you leave Argentina and enter the USA:

1. Health Certificate
2. International Health Certificate
3. Worm free Certificate
4. And most of airlines will ask for Acclimation Certificate.

 So I’m thinking, what the hell is the difference between a Health Certificate and an International Health Certificate? You’d think the international one would trump the other, right? And is there a specific Worm-Free Certificate? Why not just write that information with the Health Certificate? What do any of the health certificates say if not that the dog is healthy, and is fine to fly (aka Acclimation Certificate)? So I decided to do some serious research of my own and I couldn’t find anything except for the website I linked to above. Whatever, though—how much extra could these other forms cost? So I emailed them back:

Alright, that sounds good. I would like all of those certificates, just to be sure I have no problems. Is there an extra cost for the other couple health certificates.

This was their response:

Dear Jessica

First, the veterinarian will have to make the visit and to collect the sample of fecal few days earlier and the reason for this that the laboratory take its time to return the results and we cannot wait to the last moment as sometime some issue can arise such as need for repeated sampling, treatment if the pet found with worms etc. I advise you to have the veterinarian visit at your place on Feb 24 at 15:00 Hr.

 Second, as for your question about the cost of issuing for you the entire travel documents including:  Veterinarian examination, Health Certificate, International Health Certificate, Worm free Certificate , Acclimation Certificate and hand delivery the package is AR$430

An extra AR $200 for a couple of certificates!?  WTF. Still, I tried to be polite and revise my needs to reduce the cost:

So all I want is the Veterinarian exam, a Health Certificate or Acclimation Certificate (whichever is cheaper), and a Worm Free Certificate, as well as hand delivery back to the house. The worm free certificate must state that the exam was done within 5 days prior to shipment to the United States. Also, please let me know the revised subtotal for these services. If you could give me an itemized list of the costs, that would be great.

To which they responded:

International Health Certificate is valid only for ONLY 30 days and you might have great issues in  leaving Argentina . Removing the International Health Certificate as you requesting, means that you will not have Senasa’s approved documents to leave the country , is this clear?

I would like to apology for the value of the last price for the entire travel documents it meant to be in US$ . I feel that is going to be better for you to arrange travel documents by other company. As an IPATA member and responsible pet relocation company the service you ask for might compromise your travel.

Once again, WTF! First of all, going from AR $400 to US $400 is a HUGE difference. That means that it would cost AR $1600, which is absolutely absurd. Maybe I’ve only lived in Argentina for five months, but I’m not an idiot—I know when people are trying to rip me off because I’m a foreigner. Between that cost change and PetsVentura ’s refusal to acknowledge my request for an itemized list of costs, I was effing angry. What a waste of time, and how insulting. To use PetVentura for pet relocation is not only a scam, but a joke. 

So I did what I should have done in the first place, and took Luna to a vet in my neighborhood, San Telmo. Actually, before that, I did some more research about the specific requirements for leaving Argentina with a dog on SENASA’s website. All I could find was in Spanish, so I emailed SENASA asking them if they could direct me to that information in English. Within 24 hours, they linked me to a page on their site entitled: Procedure to export cats and dogs to USA and Puerto Rico. PERFECT. 

Vets are everywhere, and they don’t speak English of course, but in my experience, they were super friendly and helpful. Because of the medical terminology, I wrote out the Spanish version of the travel requirements and brought it to them, so there would be no confusion. I didn’t even need an appointment; they told me to come back on the day (within 5 days of departure) I needed the exam and certificates. So I did, and that cost me a grand total of AR $45. 

**Btw, PetsVentura told me that to test for Screwworm, Luna would need to have a fecal exam done. Screwworm is an insect that burrows under the animal’s skin and lives there, causing a gaping wound. To check for Screwworm, simply look around the animal’s skin. Either PetsVentura is a very unreliable veterinary option, or they were just trying to get more money out of me by saying they needed to do a fecal exam. Either way, NOT GOOD.

That was a Saturday. On Monday, I went to the SENASA office responsible for officializing the documents (all that info is clear in the link above), which cost me AR $20, making the grand total for bringing Luna back to the US (drumroll…) AR $65 (as opposed to AR $1600 with PetsVentura)! And lucky for me, the office is in Puerto Madero, only about a 15 minute walk from my house. I returned to pick it up on Wednesday, and now I’m set to embark on my journey home tomorrow!

I also sent an email to PetsVentura letting them know my feelings about the matter, which were not pleasant regarding them. I'm sure they didn't care, but it made me feel good to do it. :)

a poem by Dean Young

Clam Ode

One attempts to be significant on a grand scale
in the knockdown battle of life
but settles.
It is clammy today, meaning wet and gray,
not having a hard, calciniferous shell.
I love the expression "happy as a clam,"
how it imparts buoyant emotion
to a rather, when you get down to it,
nonexpressive creature. In piles of ice
it awaits its doom pretty much the same
as on the ocean floor it awaits
life's bouquet and banquet and sexual joys.
Some barncles we know are eggs dropped from outer space
but clams, who has a clue how they reproduce?
By trading clouds?
The Chinese thought them capable of prolonging life
while clams doubtlessly considered
the Chinese the opposite.
I remember the jawbreakers my dad would buy me
on the wharf at Stone Harbor, New Jersey;
every thirty seconds you'd take out
the one in your mouth
to check what color it turned.
What does this have to do with clams?
A feeling.
States of feeling, unlike the states of the upper midwest,
are difficult to name.
That is why music was invented
which caused a whole new slew of feelings
and is why since,
people have had more feelings than they know what to do with
so you can see it sorta backfired
like a fire extinguisher that turns out to be a flamethrower.
They look alike, don't they?
So if you're buying one be sure
you don't get the other,
the boys in the stockroom are stoners
who wear their pants falling down
and deserve their own Gulliver's Travels island.
The clam however remains calm.
Green is the color of the kelp it rests on
having a helluva wingding calm.
I am going to kill you in butter and white wine
so forgive me, great clam spirit,
join yourself to me through the emissary
of this al dente fettuccine
so I may be as qualmless and happy as you.

absurdities of day to day life.

Yesterday, my roommate, Andrew, alerted me to the fact that there was some dog shit on his balcony. I thought, that's odd...why would Luna  choose his balcony to go? I was home all day--she would have just let me know she had to go in her normal fashion. Or if anything, she would have gone up to the roof.

As it turns out, there is a bag of shit hanging in the tree over Andrew's balcony. What does this mean? Someone took the effort to throw it up there from the street, wtf. The real question is, WHY? Someone trying to mess with the foreigners? Hmm.

And I thought I was Bohemian.

Twenty-six days in Buenos Aires to go. I wish I could say the way I phrased that is misleading, but it’s not. Slashing the calendar with fat sharpie X’s isn’t what I actually do, but there is something like that going on in my head. During the sweaty, humid hours of the afternoon, I can often be found mentally packing my suitcases, deciding which books to sell to the local English bookstore, which clothes I cannot possibly bear to wear for another summer and will leave in a bag on the curb for the cartoneros to discover, with more dueling excitement and fear than I can handle about restarting my life yet again.

Almost out of money, I think that while I hang out in Milwaukee for a month or two before moving to Portland, I inevitably need a job. Maybe I’ll find a job serving somewhere in the suburbs, or delivering pizza for six weeks. Is it worth the hassle of training and finding a job for such a short period of time? Yes. Aside from money, I’m also bored out of my mind. There is only so much reading and writing a person can do in a day, every day. I don’t think I can take it anymore.  The life that I want to lead outside of writing, full of hanging out with friends and thrift shopping and whatever I want to do at any given time requires not only a respectable bank account, but some contrast. My life as all play and no work has kind of dulled my edges. I want to work seven days a week eight hours a day at some shitty job for awhile until I can fully appreciate time off again. Sheesh. Buenos Aires has done me right on several accounts (great tan, a little self-discovery, writing time, inspiration, good old overall life experience)but now I’m ready to move on. More than ready.

As it turns out, I’m sick of restarting my life. I just want to live in a place and stay there. I want some stability, a car, a dog park for Luna to chase squirrels, a comfortable bed, maybe an internship at a local literary journal on top of the job I plan to have, be it teaching for 13 weeks at a summer reading institute or serving at a posh sushi restaurant.  

En route to all that, I even get some more quality time with my family, which I felt was cut off right when I started to get to know all of them again. I know I shouldn’t be counting down the days left in South America, because who knows when I will be back.   I’m not counting them down, exactly, but I can’t wait to go home.  

Some Words on Restaurant Culture

I have been a server since I was 18. My dad is a bartender.  I have aunts and cousins that are servers. My sister is a server. My other sister was a server. My life has kind of been surrounded by life in the service industry, which compounds based on my own 7 years in the business, making friends with my fellow servers, bartenders and kitchen staff. So of course, I have some pretty strong opinions about the subject, especially where tipping is involved.

Last night, Brandon and I went wandering around looking for a place to get a beer, preferably with a happy hour price. At our first stop, El Hipopotamo, we waited for about 10 minutes at a table, and no one came to take our order. It wasn’t particularly busy, so maybe we should have been thinking what the eff? but that is typically what a person can expect at restaurants in Buenos Aires. We know. We weren’t too pissed about it, but nothing on the menu looked cheap enough to wait any longer, so we just decided to leave. We went to a nice, green, vegetarian restaurant that we’d been too before (and received great service, for Argentina, anyway).  I thought I remembered them having a 2x1 special on certain drinks, so it seemed like a good plan. When I asked the waiter about the 2x1s, he seemed to have no clue what I was talking about. We sat down anyway, to think, or give up and just stay, not really wanting to wander around anymore. But after another 10 minutes of no one coming to the table (this is a SMALL restaurant, almost no other customers), we left. By this point, we were frustrated (I wanted a damn drink!) but didn’t want to go to the store and buy beers and drink them at home like we always do, thinking that would make us feel defeated.

We wandered a little longer until we found a cute little Middle Eastern restaurant with an appetizer plate of falafel and hummus advertised on a chalkboard for only 30 pesos, plus the beer prices were reasonable. Stopped in front of the restaurant for only a couple seconds, and a young guy came out to coax us into the empty restaurant (it was too early for dinner, that’s why all these places were empty, no reflection of the quality). He seemed nice, we’d probably get prompt service, so what the hell, we went in. We got out beer right away, but we were quickly informed that the appetizer plate advertised on the chalkboard was a lunch special. Really? Then why don’t you put the chalkboard inside??? Now I was starting to get angry. All we wanted was a simple, good time without having to spend too much money. Whatever, Brandon ordered some hummus and we sat there and had a nice conversation until the miniscule portion of hummus and bread was gone, our beers drained. We sat there watching the waiter talk on the phone and laugh with some woman up at the counter for 10-15 minutes before another employee, the cook I think, came over with our bill. A bill that charged us an extra fee, a cubierto (common in nicer restaurants), supposedly for seating and the bread they bring at the beginning of the meal. I’m not a fan of the cubierto, mostly because the bread they bring over isn’t worth it, and more than that, don’t charge me something without asking if I want it! You know what ended up happening? We didn’t leave a tip. Why should we? The service was horrendous, the portions were small, they didn’t even have the kind of beer we ended up receiving listed on the menu, and the cubierto sure didn't help.

FYI, it’s customary to leave a 10% tip for servers in Argentina, or at least in Buenos Aires. Normally, we do. I’m not sure exactly how much servers make, but it isn’t like in Europe where servers make a good wage and their livelihood doesn't depend on their tips. The wage for most regular jobs here (teaching English included) is quite low, so leaving a tip will really help the servers out, I’m sure. Why then the awful service? Why, at the end of the meal, leave your customers sitting there waiting for their bill for a long period of time?  How could that possibly contribute to their desire to leave you a tip? The worst part is that I end up feeling bad, because in the states, I will always leave something, usually 15% for poor to moderate service, and 20% for good service. Then again, the standards for service in the states are different. If I received service like I usually get here, I might not leave anything. How can someone expect a tip here when they aren’t providing tip-worthy service? You’d think if you’re trying to make a decent living, you’d do what you could to make that happen. It’s kind of maddening.

There are plenty of people in the states who make arguments against tipping—thinking that they shouldn’t be EXPECTED to tip, shouldn’t receive dirty looks when they walk out leaving you $5 on a tab of $100. (This guy in particular is one of those up on his soapbox of anti-gratuity, I’m sure all of his uneducated figures help him sleep at night.) I want people like him to come here and see what bad service is like. I bet I’d be hard-pressed to find even one of them that would find this service acceptable, though they don’t want to tip.

Even in states (like on the West coast) where servers earn a regular minimum rage as opposed to a low server wage (like in Wisconsin, $2.33/hr), if you want someone to wait on you, bring you everything you want, when you want it, and then if something is wrong with it, end up taking all of your negative bullshit like it’s no thang, then you better show it. If you’re not tipping, you’re going to end up with servers like here in Argentina, because who would do that job?? You’ll see who, and you won’t like it. The entire restaurant culture in the USA that everyone knows and loves will be ruined.