Some Words on Restaurant Culture

I have been a server since I was 18. My dad is a bartender.  I have aunts and cousins that are servers. My sister is a server. My other sister was a server. My life has kind of been surrounded by life in the service industry, which compounds based on my own 7 years in the business, making friends with my fellow servers, bartenders and kitchen staff. So of course, I have some pretty strong opinions about the subject, especially where tipping is involved.

Last night, Brandon and I went wandering around looking for a place to get a beer, preferably with a happy hour price. At our first stop, El Hipopotamo, we waited for about 10 minutes at a table, and no one came to take our order. It wasn’t particularly busy, so maybe we should have been thinking what the eff? but that is typically what a person can expect at restaurants in Buenos Aires. We know. We weren’t too pissed about it, but nothing on the menu looked cheap enough to wait any longer, so we just decided to leave. We went to a nice, green, vegetarian restaurant that we’d been too before (and received great service, for Argentina, anyway).  I thought I remembered them having a 2x1 special on certain drinks, so it seemed like a good plan. When I asked the waiter about the 2x1s, he seemed to have no clue what I was talking about. We sat down anyway, to think, or give up and just stay, not really wanting to wander around anymore. But after another 10 minutes of no one coming to the table (this is a SMALL restaurant, almost no other customers), we left. By this point, we were frustrated (I wanted a damn drink!) but didn’t want to go to the store and buy beers and drink them at home like we always do, thinking that would make us feel defeated.

We wandered a little longer until we found a cute little Middle Eastern restaurant with an appetizer plate of falafel and hummus advertised on a chalkboard for only 30 pesos, plus the beer prices were reasonable. Stopped in front of the restaurant for only a couple seconds, and a young guy came out to coax us into the empty restaurant (it was too early for dinner, that’s why all these places were empty, no reflection of the quality). He seemed nice, we’d probably get prompt service, so what the hell, we went in. We got out beer right away, but we were quickly informed that the appetizer plate advertised on the chalkboard was a lunch special. Really? Then why don’t you put the chalkboard inside??? Now I was starting to get angry. All we wanted was a simple, good time without having to spend too much money. Whatever, Brandon ordered some hummus and we sat there and had a nice conversation until the miniscule portion of hummus and bread was gone, our beers drained. We sat there watching the waiter talk on the phone and laugh with some woman up at the counter for 10-15 minutes before another employee, the cook I think, came over with our bill. A bill that charged us an extra fee, a cubierto (common in nicer restaurants), supposedly for seating and the bread they bring at the beginning of the meal. I’m not a fan of the cubierto, mostly because the bread they bring over isn’t worth it, and more than that, don’t charge me something without asking if I want it! You know what ended up happening? We didn’t leave a tip. Why should we? The service was horrendous, the portions were small, they didn’t even have the kind of beer we ended up receiving listed on the menu, and the cubierto sure didn't help.

FYI, it’s customary to leave a 10% tip for servers in Argentina, or at least in Buenos Aires. Normally, we do. I’m not sure exactly how much servers make, but it isn’t like in Europe where servers make a good wage and their livelihood doesn't depend on their tips. The wage for most regular jobs here (teaching English included) is quite low, so leaving a tip will really help the servers out, I’m sure. Why then the awful service? Why, at the end of the meal, leave your customers sitting there waiting for their bill for a long period of time?  How could that possibly contribute to their desire to leave you a tip? The worst part is that I end up feeling bad, because in the states, I will always leave something, usually 15% for poor to moderate service, and 20% for good service. Then again, the standards for service in the states are different. If I received service like I usually get here, I might not leave anything. How can someone expect a tip here when they aren’t providing tip-worthy service? You’d think if you’re trying to make a decent living, you’d do what you could to make that happen. It’s kind of maddening.

There are plenty of people in the states who make arguments against tipping—thinking that they shouldn’t be EXPECTED to tip, shouldn’t receive dirty looks when they walk out leaving you $5 on a tab of $100. (This guy in particular is one of those up on his soapbox of anti-gratuity, I’m sure all of his uneducated figures help him sleep at night.) I want people like him to come here and see what bad service is like. I bet I’d be hard-pressed to find even one of them that would find this service acceptable, though they don’t want to tip.

Even in states (like on the West coast) where servers earn a regular minimum rage as opposed to a low server wage (like in Wisconsin, $2.33/hr), if you want someone to wait on you, bring you everything you want, when you want it, and then if something is wrong with it, end up taking all of your negative bullshit like it’s no thang, then you better show it. If you’re not tipping, you’re going to end up with servers like here in Argentina, because who would do that job?? You’ll see who, and you won’t like it. The entire restaurant culture in the USA that everyone knows and loves will be ruined.

Life Without Cellphone

Before Brandon and I arrived in Buenos Aires, and even for a few weeks after, we had planned on purchasing cheap cell phones and talk/text via the pay-as-you-go method, which is a pretty common thing to do, even for porteños. That all changed as quickly as the rest of our lofty Buenos Aires plans—we’ve been cellphoneless for over two months now. TWO MONTHS WITHOUT A CELLPHONE! THIS IS UNHEARD OF!

It’s not as difficult a transition as it might seem. True, I’ve had a cell since junior year of high school, but I don’t really have many people to call here. Actually let me rephrase that: I don’t have anyone to call. Brandon and I are almost always in the same place, so I wouldn’t call him. MAYBE once or twice I was walking Luna and thought of texting him, but of course it would have been something gratuitous and silly (like, omg I just saw a 96 yr old woman on a bike with her little yippy dog looking scared for his life on her lap!). Our friends here either live with us or we easily communicate with them over email/facebook. The general pace around Argentina is much slower than in the states, so it’s never an issue. Plus, one of our best friends here, Michael, lives in our neighborhood, so we run into him sometimes and end up hanging out on the spot. I love that kind of spontaneous social event, anyway.

When I lived in Spain for 4 months, I didn’t bring a laptop with me because I didn’t have one. When I needed to use the internet, I went to campus or an internet café or the library. You’ll probably never guess what happened with that—haha—my internet usage dropped by about seventy-five percent. At home with my host family, my options were always to watch soap operas (ok ok occasionally news) with them or to read. I read Moby Dick, Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, Catch 22, several Hemingway titles, and many other classics (checked out from the campus library). It didn’t hurt that the library only really had classics available in English, but that’s not the point.

I guess what I’m saying is what you might have thought I was getting at. Maybe I’m kind of a United States brat, but it’s nice to live without constantly checking my phone, wondering what all my friends are up to all the time, at least for a little while. As a result, I spend more time reading, writing, watching movies with Brandon, and just effing relaxing and soaking up everything around me (which I think ends up benefiting my writing). Luna and I walk through Parque Lezama, a large hilly park with lots of benches and trees, almost every day. And except for when it is raining, there are always people just sitting on the benches, not doing anything really, just watching the world go by. They look so happy. It’s rare to see that in the states. 

just effing relaxing

Before leaving for BA, I started to picture myself with an iphone. I think when I’m back in March, I’ll be perfectly ok with a more regular phone, qwerty keypad will do just fine.

Buenos Aires, What Have You Done?

Today's solutions to Brandon’s gastrointestinal problems:

Watch movies all day.

Make guacamole to eat with flax seed crackers (both good for digestive system).

Stop drinking the tap water.

Drink tonic water.

Talk about future plans to go to La Plata, Tigre, and Colonia, Uruguay.

Read him poetry on the terrace.

Manzanilla tea.

Besos from Luna.

All the lights are coming on now, how I wish that it would snow now…

(but actually, not true about the snow...)

This will be my third consecutive year as a Christmas orphan, my fourth in total. But there’s something different about this one, something totally unfamiliar. It has nothing to do with being out of the country—my first Christmas away from my family was spent in Spain. It’s the season that’s different. As I sit on the terrace in my bikini listening to Christmas music that talks about snow and cold and certain kinds of trees and hot beverages, I feel in many ways estranged. Don’t get me wrong, I love summer. I LOVE summer. Nothing about skipping winter fills my heart with sadness. There is just a part of my brain reacting with alarm, like I’m effing with the senses somehow, celebrating the holiday season on the terrace in a bikini or my favorite white summer dress while drinking hummer’s that look like some kind of paradise drink with their fresh red grapefruit garnish. Where’s the egg nog? Haha, I bet some locals would laugh at you if you told them you wanted egg in your beverage.  (At least the red wine is familiar, though! Argentineans drink red wine year-round.)

For the past two December holiday seasons, I celebrated with my MFA community.  We had little potluck parties and festive events of all kinds to keep us warm and full of cheer. It was cold and one year, overwhelmingly (and gorgeously) snowy. Just like I’m used to. When I was in Spain, my then-boyfriend travelled over the Atlantic to spend the holidays Eurailling across Western Europe with me, a whirlwind of excitement and fun to distract from the lack of normal holiday activities.

This year, Brandon and I are in good spirits, despite some amount of homesickness or a community of good friends/family to celebrate with. This week we’re going to a nearby store to buy a little tree which we will adorn with lights; I’m sure it will make our room look cozy and festive. And we’ve been busily downloading Christmas movies to sprinkle into our usual routine of evening features (mostly new movies or Dexter). We attended a great Chrismakkah party on Saturday, a heavenly feast and enjoyable times had by all. We’ve already made latkes once and plan to make them again, a wonderful Chanukkah dish (potato pancakes). And for Christmas Eve/Christmas Day, Brandon’s family so generously put money into his bank account so that we’ll have presents to open with them over Skype. The rest of those two days will probably be spent making a gourmet Christmas feast for two (or three, yes Luna that means you) and watching our Christmas movies. I love Christmases with Luna. She’s mi hija, mi amor del mundo. It makes me feel all warm-fuzzy inside.  AND I bet I’ll be Skyping with my family when they gather at my parents’ house, my young niece and nephew excitedly opening their gifts. 

Also, a special  Merry Christmas to me—my parents are paying off my Huge Grad School Bill within the next few days. Most twenty-somethings aren’t that lucky; enormous loans will be hanging over their heads well into adulthood as they struggle through the sinking economy looking for any possible way to keep themselves afloat. Maybe my parents don’t know how grateful I feel for their generosity, but I’m forever indebted to them, especially for a wanderlust writer like myself. I don’t want to one day look back on my life with regret, thinking of all the things I didn’t get to do (like live in Buenos Aires and work on my book!) because of monthly student loan payments. I know that happens to people, and I’m sorry for them.

So, the snow’s not coming down. I’m not watching it fall. But it’s still Christmas. This year, I’ll be working on my tan.

que lastima!

Thursday, 6pm: meeting with writing group

8:30pm: walk with group to “art auction” (private, at someone’s home), wine+mingling+Michael  revealing yet another artistic talent—he plays the saxophone.

10pm: leave party with Rachel (from writing group) and her friend Martin and walk to our house to hang out on the roof for awhile. Very enjoyable to be hanging out with friends in a nonparty environment.

11pm: talk to roommates Tomik (Polish) and Robi (Hungarian) in the kitchen while they are making dinner. They’re a little drunk and so are we, so we’re all being a bit loud and silly. They invite us to eat with them, so we all eat outside and talk and drink some more. A nice way to end the evening.

1pm (I think): go to bed.

Friday, 2:30pm: Brandon and I venture to the locutorio (for printing and scanning needs) and it’s very disorganized and overwhelming. It is not obvious how to get anything done. We finally get on a computer and after awkwardness and some broken conversation with an employee, our things print. Overall, I’m frustrated in dealing with such a menial task being so difficult. Then we sit at the computer for awhile. I thought all our things were finished printing, so I began to get impatient, wondering why we were just sitting there. There must be some weird phenomenon where because of the language/culture barrier causing difficulties, people who normally communicate well are temporarily stripped of that skill, because Brandon and I were on different planets while we were in that locutorio. I didn’t understand why we would just sit there with our internet charges increasing, but really Brandon was waiting for his last document to print. My frustration translated into me taking on a very negative tone in my speech, asking questions, trying to figure out what the hell we were doing. And then we left before Brandon’s last document printed, and I had no idea this was the case until it was too late. I’m not sure why Brandon didn’t just tell me he was still waiting for something to print. I probably should have been nicer when I said “Why the hell are we sitting in this awful place? What are we still doing here?” so that maybe he would have felt more comfortable explaining to me that he was waiting for the printer. No such luck.

Now I’m so annoyed that instead of sitting on the terrace with Brandon drinking rum and cokes, I’m letting you all know how fucking awful it is to live in a developing country sometimes.  

 It’s a shame, because yesterday was so great.

my refined interpretation of the word busy.

For the first time since arriving in Buenos Aires, I am finally busy. Kind of busy, anyway. No, I don’t have an alarm that wakes me up early in the morning to get a head-start on my days. I may even admit that I wake up between 9am-11am most days (generally closer to 9). If you’re getting ready to judge, just hang on a second while I spill my main excuse. The humidity has driven the mosquitoes out from their winter hibernation or wherever they go, and at night, they go in for blood, my blood, when my defenses are down. So, I wake up many nights frantically scratching and then can’t fall back asleep because the itching is unbearable. Eventually, I always decide to pull the covers up over my head and sleep inside of a little hot box, despite the high temperatures. Thermal discomfort, I guess, is more manageable than the prospect of more itching. For genetic reasons, I am a mosquito magnet. If vampires were real, I would probably be in real danger. Genetic reasons, really? Yes. I’ve seen the welts on my mom and both my sisters from mosquitoes in Wisconsin. Why just us, when there are plenty of people around virtually bite-free? An excellent example is Brandon. He has maybe been bitten 5 times since we’ve been here. Wtf. (Although, his allergies have been so awful that he takes some Argentine form of Benadryl many days, and ends up sleeping or miserable, so I don’t really want to harp on his mosquito “luck” . Btw, I know Benadryl is going to make a person drowsy, but I’ve taken this stuff, and I’m convinced there is something in there that are causing more intensity to these side effects. It’s quite an odd sensation). Anyway, because of this unbalance of bites from one person to the next, knowing my own family’s propensity for bites, I looked it up. Some people just have blood that is attractive to mosquitoes. I’m one of them. Where was I going with this again? Oh yeah, I wake up later than I should. Yet, I’m still claiming to be busy.

But this is exciting! I get up most days and write an article for my freelance writing job while eating  toast and having a couple mugs of hot tea. By then it’s noon or so, and I walk Luna for an hour. Sometimes we walk up Puerto Madero. At one spot along that walk, there is a fountain that Luna likes to jump into. Sometimes we walk laps around Parque Lezerma, just a block away. It’s a big, hilly park that is gorgeous, especially now with all the purple and pink blossoms on the trees, and tall palms scattered here and there. Ugh, this is not contributing to my case of: busy. I keep getting sidetracked.

Anyway, six out of seven days, I work on poetry. Whether it’s freewriting, revising, putting a solid poem together from various freewrites or from scratch, I’m working, and this is probably the most important thing to me right now. In addition to that, I’m also reading a lot of poetry, and prose, which is an essential part of my life as well as my writing. Included in the “reading” category is all the workshopping for the writing group and everything that Brandon sends me outside of that (hooray, Brandon is writing a lot too!). This helps keep my brain sharp as far as craft goes. By looking critically at other writers’ work, I’m able to hone my own craft much more effectively—that is, I can see my own work more clearly, and then my early drafts aren’t quite so rough. Plus, it makes me feel smart. Heheh.

So all that counts as busy, sure. But now I’m beginning to have something resembling a social life. Tomorrow night we’re going out with Guy and Paola (our roommates) to a restaurant/bar they love. Then Thursday night is the weekly meeting for the writing group. This week we’re meeting at 7pm instead of 8pm because afterward we’re all going to an art exhibit/party where Michael (one member of the group, a FANTASTIC artist) has a painting on display. Then Saturday night, Steve and Katie (Steve is my aunt’s friend’s nephew who works at the embassy here) invited us to a Chrismakkah potluck at their place. All these plans!

And I recently discovered that the art museum is free, every day! That, with the many, many other touristy things that are available for taking up whole days here, and I’m set for a few months at least.

This is what busy means. A more Argentinean than American definition.

I write for money

Back to the life of employment—although I must say, this work-from-home, telecommute business takes the cake as far as jobs go. For the first week, I was simply referring to myself as a freelance writer/blogger for an unnamed company, but the specificities of the job are what make it interesting. Plus, I already told my mom, who of course was wondering if she could read my articles. I told her she probably would rather not.

The most accurate way to describe what I do would be: I am a sex-blogger. I write blogs/articles/FAQs for an online company that sells sex toys and lingerie, and you know, that kind of stuff.  The purpose of it all is to sell sell sell, of course, so I have to promote their products within the articles. Recently, they also asked me what I would charge to also write product descriptions. Ha! Hot commodity, right here. Or something like that.

How the hell did I acquire this job? I scoured Craigslist’s telecommute writing jobs out of every big (ish) city in the United States. I applied to as many as I could, considering my skill set, and this is the first and only one that got back to me. I sent a sample article after snooping around their website, and after some vague responses from a company manager, it seemed iffy whether or not I would actually get paid, so I was reluctant to write more articles. But I did, because it doesn’t take that much time, and it’s not like I was overloaded with other opportunities. Once I sent that to the manager, payment options were discussed, (PayPal or issuing checks) and things were more solidified. Now I’ve begun to receive lists of assignments, and at twenty bucks a pop, I’m in business. If they’ll let me, I’ll write at least 5 of these a week (I doubt they want/need much more than that), and I’ll make enough money to keep the rest of my savings intact. Buenos Aires is kind of expensive for South America, but it’s still South America. One dollar equals four pesos. Maybe I’ll be able to go out to lunch once in awhile and not have to worry about spending the next week eating only bread and drinking water. Haha, just kidding. I will always drink wine with my bread.

The best part is, I get to do all of this from my laptop, at home. I wrote an article sitting out on the terrace the other day! Just a little FAQ on lubricants, in case you’re interested, all the while working on my tan. Lubes are one of the tamer topics I’ve covered, though. You don’t even want to know what an anal hook is. For that matter, neither do I, but I’m getting paid. And I get to throw the ball with Luna between paragraphs.

I haven’t used much, if any of this stuff, so I have to do a bunch of research. But it’s research—research is interesting. Understanding the psychology behind bondage toys and role-playing games is necessary when writing an article titled: The Finer Points of Spanking. I almost forgot to mention an essential component of my job. I have to write from the perspective of a pre-constructed character they’ve developed. At first I found this a bit stifling to my creativity, but as it turns out, this is much easier than coming up with my own fake persona. Easier equals faster equals more money. The style of writing is also really casual and colloquial. No sounding “too smart” or it will turn off readers/shoppers.

A grad school professor of mine said she’s glad to know my MFA in poetry is paying off.

I suppose it is.  Heheh.

**p.s.  Don’t you love my slightly tweaked blog deisgn? All credit goes to my resident digital design and layout expert, Brandon. He is the best.